Family.
Every member has this blood in their vein,
All those people came out a narrow lane.
We are all on the same magnetic land,
Our connections like a beach, grains of sand.
Our relationship this month relates to giving,
The stuff they got will be the stuff they like.
The whole point of Christmas is, be living,
Everyone’s crazy when hunger will strike.
Our family have the power to save,
Especially when our mothers were brave.
Our blood and veins are said to be the same,
Our fathers have done their best to be there,
Even in the process, it’s hard to bare.
December 14, 2014 at 6:33 pm
Nemare, this is an excellent start. I really like how you have linked the sonnet form to love at Christmas.
I also really enjoyed some of the imagery you have include within the poem. ‘grains of sand’ particularly sticks out to me as it presents a whole range of individuals coming together to form one extraordinary sight.
There are a few things you need to change to achieve your ‘write a sonnet’ badge.
1) The rhyme scheme of a sonnet is a-b-a-b not a-a-b-b. The last two lines should form a rhyming couplet.
2) Some of your lines contain too many syllables (e.g. line 5).
3) You need to ensure you have your stressed and unstressed syllables in the correct place.
Excellent effort, Nemare.
December 15, 2014 at 9:22 am
Ok sure, I was going to change it either today or throughout this week
January 2, 2015 at 5:35 pm
How are you getting on with making these changes, Nemare?
January 7, 2015 at 8:06 pm
I will need some help on the work we are working on this term cause it was kind of a bit unexpected how you just told us today.